*** LOG OPENED: Wed Apr 7 19:01:37 1999 --- Participants: disabled ChanServ (nanook@eskimo.com) Lily wacky Mooooooo (azdse@uswest.net) Lonewolf gismo Kim^^ Kark Driveshaf anny1 atrpilot beat Woz --- Hello everyone hi yo mamma Tonight I have all the disabled bases covered Hi If you are disabled you either had to be born with it or acquired it *** ^^shaz^^ has joined #disabled-rt but Judi????? Let's review the rules before we begin what if its both? Type ! to make a statement Type ? to ask a question I will call on you one at a time either one will do brian 1. If you are born disabled, does it make it easier to accept your limitations? Brian Bri? born dis I never felt I had any limit ations its just how i was *** hazem has joined #Disabled-RT beat *** WonderW has joined #disabled-rt beat? 1. If you are born disabled, does it make it easier to accept your limitations? for ww and for hazem yes i feel what you never know you never miss thanks Karen *** GennyIrsh has joined #Disabled-RT 1. If you are born disabled, does it make it easier to accept your limitations? I feel that with me it was just instinct that I servive and do like everyone else becase I was born with it Have I missed much? Karen? no, dear ! sorry anny yes i agree with others, have never known myself as not disabled I'm sorry I ever new how to walk. I hate it. Genny please type ! or ? and I will call on you Oh ok Brian sorry np I will say that even tho i accepted early dis and didnt feel different I still saw that I was Different gismo ! to say somethung and ? to ask a question, Genn i at lest had 18 yrs to look back on and appreciate 1 ww Laura? I think it is easier, but it makes socialuzing with nondisabled kids harder as a child, if parents not caerful true beat sorry, am slower typing lately, tighter You alway go though stages where you whish you where normal If you guys go ahead and type in what you want to say it will make you feel less pressured how so beat? hazem I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, I got used to my disability, it becomes normal, and you forget about it. vr58769890--0-o 675t45 12` 3b57/h- 650'/ Its how you mix in with the rest of society, and that shouldn't changewhenever you become disabled. As you grow you see your brothers doing thing you can't do that hard Genny I am really sad that I ever new how to walk It hurts because a soon as I stop walking ppl left me. i ging onyo bed bitite yakl Brian <^^shaz^^> bue kim nit kim i donno Lara I had the oposite prob I couldnt socialize w/ dis kids but then I was expected to pass as AB as much as I could i think it can go both was *** Kim^^ has left irc (Quit: Connection reset by peer) ways <^^shaz^^> bye kim it's hard when siblings tease or act abusive, which happenrd to me] what can parents do, to make there dis. child feel better abt themselves? yea i know or wishing you where them. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oops, sorry, hit enter brian my dad was like that, Brian, my mom opposite, was very confusing I can't talk about this stuff It upset me too much. they can create an open forum for dis kids and their sitalk openly not to ignore it Goodnight and GodBless. *** GennyIrsh has left #Disabled-RT <^^shaz^^> bye gen they can create an open forum for dis kids and their sib to talk openly not to ignore it i c yeah anny *** Driveshaf has left #disabled-RT i think that grief about dis. goes in cycles from grief to acceptance but that seems rare anger to acceptance Alison i agree, in the case of acquired ones, it the same, anny gis ?t stages of acceptance *** WonderW- has joined #Disabled-RT gismo go ahead *** WonderW has left irc (Killed (Mooooooo (wonderful, but lagged badly))) hello? *** gismo has left #disabled-rt beat go on beat shaz *** Driveshaf has joined #disabled-rt *** gismo3 has joined #disabled-rt <^^shaz^^> gee,i have difficulty in accepting mine, as society tends to remind me, am trying to fight it. what is your dis? are we on same question? <^^shaz^^> deaf yes ok yes I can see that ?! <^^shaz^^> ok Ithink itsBrian, karen I don't feel they can do that much at all except encourge them to do as much as they can then Karen I meant I had a big family, do you think that made a difference?, maybe it took the focus off me, busy house cud be Brian good Um I found that aquirring it was easier > Now when I got my SCI in add. to the CP with the CP masked ppl treat my more human.... as if I was AB at one point gismo did you have something to say? interesting Brian i was cut off please continue anny *** Driveshaf has left #disabled-rt i prefer my 2nd dis. seizure disorder becouse fewer ppl have seen it an invisible disability france's response: ?I was born with all my disabilities except the back injury and I woukd say yes. Have I missed anyone? it's true, I think, that neurological disabilities/perceptual difficulties are the most misunderstood, feared and looked down upom gismo is disability more than a state of mind? open floor on that one-just comment freely depends what you mean well yes and no.... beat? i dont feel ....different im still me you dam right Iguess my back injury was the hardest to cope with it is the state of mind of the disabled and the non-disabled I am a gimp yes but does it stop me from living a full productive life NOT one BIT <^^shaz^^> good on you, wacky. Took me a long time to admit I was disabled im still me on the inside, but get treated diff. by most of society Why They are afraid of what they do not wish I mean, if you say it's all a state of mind you may always feel that if you just worked harder, etc, you could remove it, and thus never reach true acceptance; on other hand, if you could, but think you can't, you won't Being disabled is part of who I am, I like me, all of me. If I weren't disabled, I'd be someone else. They are afraid of what they do not understand I mean I like what hazem said <^^shaz^^> yes, thats true. i think you right, wacky ooops was loaded question sorry if off topic no that was a great question but very informative answers bri i have times where i feel like hazem and others wen i feel i am screaming inside saying i am just like everybody else and most don't see gis It wasnt untill i came to disabled I could say how or why I had a SCI or that i had cP too it was lara that forced that out of me I hate/ love her for it too lol i find most people treat me normal once they know me only strangers treat me diiff If we can't come to the poin where we can say yes we are disable and then get on with life act I'm proud that you do Yes after I admitted I was disabled life became easier sorry lara its true in my head I mean i put pressure on those who know me well to treat me normally I know :) anyone else before we moveon? ok back to the rules 2. If you acquire your disabilities, is it easier to accept your limitations? gis yes bri being a chirstan made it easy for me brian harder for me but then I went form being fairly independent walker to helpless charlie and HOW I GOT it had a lot to do w/ my adjustment yes yes anyes *** eve has joined #Disabled-RT ali harder, it was a complete identity change, i had to redefine whi i was hazem who well, I don't think so, when I was younger, I could use a walker, and I went through all kinds of self-blame and guilt that I could no longer do that It shouldn't make a difference, Karen I took several class on how people have difficulties dealing with change and I assume that becoming disabled might be the same true anny it was to do with business but i could relate i see what ww means recently when i was faced with possibly losing some independence iwas scared and depressed me too anny bri the scariest thing about a new dis.... is starting over all ur building blocks crumble beat France said no to the question *** In has joined #Disabled-RT beat? *** In has left #Disabled-RT ali u feel very alone and scared at first *** In has joined #Disabled-RT it takes time to adjust gis *** In has left #Disabled-RT the bigest question i had was ....why me *** In has joined #Disabled-RT Yes I think why me is the hardest thing to overcome *** In has left irc (Quit: Quit: Quit: Instant IRC (v1.0.4.19) - Copyright © 1998 DSE Software Publishing) anyone else before we move on? when my Getting people to accept us the way we are is the biggest problem sorry-bri mine was Why did I survive *** camille3 has joined #disabled-rt oh yes beat bri? eve *** In has joined #Disabled-RT inability to walk happened, it was the result of trauma, one day I could, the next day I couldn't, was hard yea judi not sure what you mean has anyone heard of elizabeth kubler ross?and her 5 stages yes applies here she deals with death and dying ? not i beat I'm sorry what about? even just with a walker it was tough, though I could never walk without it Elizabeth Kubler Ross outlines the stages of death and dying !' These apply to the death or dying of a portion of your life also such as aquiring a disability max ansewerd eve she sais you have to work through different stages of working through the problem. it's like working through your disablity too yes beat ! i agree eve Don't you feel that accepent is a big probem yes it is brian cam what is the topic please Somethimes i feel as tho i have a foot in each world involed in both yet belong to niether born or acquired disability Tonight's topic is : Born with it, or acquired it - pros and cons which is harder to accept eve some ppeople accept the disablity and others nevrer will <^^shaz^^> yep hazem' Isn't it a bit drastic to compare disability with death? no not at all you go through the same emotional responses beat *** In has left #Disabled-RT bri well, we're not trying to suggest they are synonomois, hazen, could be applied to general loss hasem no because its like looking at to diff ppl the person i was before SCI doesnt exist I have a saying I am as I am, and I am still here eve in both cases you're suffering a loss. so there are points that are similar between becoming disabled and accepting one's death but they are not the ssame. <^^shaz^^> well said, wacky and I play supermant theme every morning lol humor good med cam i seen death death today and no comparsonto my disibality its the loss cam :) glad to have been part of that, Brian if we are talking about dying then we must beleive rthat there is a god, or what the point loss og your former self no I don't think e are talking about dying ! ! ! cam inever felt a loss like I did today *** gismo3 has left #disabled-rt what from Cam hazem I see, I don't have a former self, so I didn't understand. Got Polio when I was 9 months old. ok I buried a close and dear friend and thats worst then loosing the bottom half of my body ! denial, anger, depression,acceptance are 4 of the 5 stages of grief experienced with most losses yes cam I'm sorry for your loss have I missed anyone? * wacky hugs cam 3. If you acquired your disabilities, was the psychological adjustment difficult? If so, what helped and what didn't? * WonderW- does too * Lonewolf does too bri * Lily does too thanks all cam actually it was for me a relief I couldnt hide it any more so I stopped listening to my families vies that I had to live in their world views my familty helped a great deal so in your case it helped good point the only acquired disability is the back injury that worsened my mobility. I really did not have a problem accepting it as I am still active, dance, sing karaoke and have my odd methods of pain management (remember the singing the loudest Alanis Morissette songs in karaoke and being active, dancing and having fun) Also I work as I always did, I teach college and go for my doctoral degree. I have been to France too. I'm sorry that was France's answer Karen yup EMESLIY i could jst be bria and not brian hiding among ab's hello *** Kark has left #disABLED-rt *** Kark has joined #disABLED-rt eve it was how others treated adam when he became disabled that was diffecult how so eve Karen they did not understand the disablity itself or how much effert it took to overcome it yes lw? beat did you want to say something Karen? Was having system problems, sorry what question are we on I felt it was harder for me when my dis started getting worse. How we adjusted to acquiring a disability really beat? ! actually beat it is the same for me Ali by helping other ppl, i started to feel like i had a purpose again bri walking is overated all the years i walked to be like others i had no energy left now i just go and go and go like energizer bunny I go in stages but as I get worse it gets harder I agree, there, Brian shaz yes when we can no lonnger do things we could do even with a dis. than it very hard shaz? I gotta go spasms making it imposs ible to type fast <^^shaz^^> adjusting to dis, also depend on support from family, but it also depends on the strengths of one who has the dis. its hard. ok ok ok brian yes it is shaz 4. If you were born disabled, does it make you angry to think of your > limitations? or does the old adage that if you never had it you don't = > miss <^^shaz^^> ok, wacky. it apply? I think both shaz *** wacky has left irc (Quit: Leaving) <^^shaz^^> absolute yes, but not in a sympathetic way. dont want it. eve yes you miss things but it all depends how you see disan;lity true cam as a tool or a problem I think some things i had i wouldn't miss if I hadn't experence them anny my recent problem is that i know i have fewer limitations than other seem to think i have, is frustrating *** atrpilot has left #disabled-rt can see hwere it wud be laura ali yes, agree cam, it a sense of loss, of knowing what you had, were laura did you have something? I think I have both experiences, but mostly anger only when ppl want me to move oit of thr way beat *** Kark has left #disABLED-rt France: It is more if you never had it you do not miss it. I do not know any better. I do know know what it is like to have motor/spatial and perceptual skills and I have mild CP, severe NI, severe ataxia and perceptual problems. what frustrates me is the work limitations I have. I have a 148 IQ and yet I am so limited to the kind of work I can do because I function so poorly in all areas except for intellectual/academic ones. I have motor, spatial, mobility, movement, coordination, and judgment defic deficits necessary for all job functions. Therefore the only work I can do is college teaching and I am p/t because I am still going for my doctorate. need doctorate to tech f/t. I am frustrated at teh earning work and money making limits imposed by my disabilities ali Have we all found that as we got older our dis got worse? do we have to read these long answers by france? thet so confusing *** eve has left irc (Quit: eve) sorry mine will continue to get worse-anyone else <^^shaz^^> yes beat. it ok, not yor fault anyone else? go on beat ok as we sum up-here is the last question 5. Which of the two are easier to cope with? When I was young every said you where lucky because you will never get worse over all sorry np beat I understand *** MASTAK101 has joined #Disabled-RT I think acquired is harder this is a meeting, mas hey for the reasons alison listed earlier oh...im sorry bye *** MASTAK101 has left #Disabled-RT 5. Which of the two are easier to cope with? being born with it, but I sure wish I could function better and thus earn more. France beat acquired is esp harder if it is the result of abuse, because no one understands that well hazem the one your born with In the short run, it is probably harder to acquire it, but in the long run, it evens out. Most of tthe pain I hear about being disabled ali involves our treatment by society, and they don't diffentiate. you said a mouthful hazem!! Sorry, a friend of mine born with CP, says acquired harder no I meant that as good beat I close my eyes and see a different Judi-I look in the mirror and see someone I don't know *** MASTAK101 has joined #Disabled-RT ok...im back anny go on you really think ablebodied don't differentiate? between acquired and born? yes no I don't do you? what are we takling aobut? acquired vs born with disabilities