*** LOG OPENED: Wed Apr 22 18:19:29 1998 --- Participants: HandiBot lisiado gregsgg Gilbert ChanServ phoenyxx crafty3 Emilie (melief@hotmail.com) rose fence Lily-1 HelloKit (disabled@softhome.net) --- carly, before u start can i ask a question/ *** hanover9 has joined #disabled this one is appropriate....I'm getting ready to look for my own place (again!) and need some info to make getting an attendant work better than last time . hows it going brb----tea time! *** rosie_ has joined #disabled forgot meeting *** hanover9 has left irc (Leaving) meetings are too late for me hi ys rosie ya maybe some time they will have them early for us on the east coast hi kitt *** Corn has joined #disabled fresh dipped kitty hi corn well, its my bedtime all hi * crafty3 ~«©»~@~«©»~o~«©»~@~«©»~o~«©»~@~«©»~o~«©»~@~«©»~ * crafty3 I've got to go now....................HUGS ALL * crafty3 ~«©»~@~«©»~o~«©»~@~«©»~o~«©»~@~«©»~o~«©»~@~«©»~ no its not! * crafty3 ..............Consoles Everyone:............... * crafty3 *********************************************** * crafty3 Regret that ya'll must bid me adieux, thereby * crafty3 ***** creating a void in your existance, ***** * crafty3 *************** I GAW-RON-TEE! **************** * crafty3 But don't grieve excessively I shall return! * crafty3 *********************************************** *** crafty3 has left irc (feel free to visit my homepage http://www.angelfire.com/ca/hugger) *** HOMIE has joined #disabled *** HOMIE has left irc (SiLk© 1997 7th Sphere Enterprises) waaaaa!! back! WB the latest communique on the newslist means we have to de-subscribe from what? *** Laura2 has joined #Disabled wb L hi *** jrt has joined #disabled Okay, logs are already on but I need a couple minutes to get ready... hello laura debbie :) hi hi Emilie hiya jrt hey jrt! jrt BIG kiss hi again jrt *** miss_wild has joined #disabled Lily, Anita has made her own mailing list in her address book and has added our list to it. hi again *** rosie_ has left irc (Ping timeout for rosie_ p8-nas01.syd.tig.com.au]) if you need a direct line to Microsoft tech support, you can reach Bill Gates by drawing a pentagram on the floor and chanting 'I summon thee' 3 times. hi jrt :) *** yel has joined #Disabled hi rosie...how's your computer? oh, thx *** miss_wild is now known as rosie_ lol its still not good hello yel is there a problem with the list? so if i leave suddenly again today then you will know its crashed again hi ok brb Are we ready to start? so does that mean we should de-subscribe to anita's list if we want? locked and loaded.... no mimi ? no mooooooo ? greg just ducked Mimi and Mooooooo are hanging out in Vegas together... we are carly *** kettt has joined #disabled hiya Ket It won't do any good Lily, since she is sending her messages to our list as well. migwigcht :) hi seth...;) azul em *** yel has left irc (yel) no kitt there are at my new apt. all my beer is gone Klatuu baraata nicktoo! Tonight's topic is... 'Life With An Attendant' slow down moooooo ok, i keep getting personal letters from strange gentlemen wasn't me Lily :-) i'll email you How many require some amount of assistance with daily living from another person on a regular basis? lol me alll day kit a little I do....have a live-in aide *** bojingles has joined #disabled i do sone to be me Hi bojingles :o) not me currently but I'm supposed to qualify for an attendant when I move this summer. one M-F, one F-Sun hi ket heya whats up hi Laura...nice to see you..;) all mine have been not good you, too, dear brb What options are there for attendant care aside from hiring someone (i.e. family, roommates, etc.)? *** dr_bill has joined #disabled *** floopy has joined #Disabled hard to find someone who is not going to ropp you back Hi Dr. Bill :o) dr bill :) hi Hi all hi bill nicee dollar bill? or accuse you of harassment when they weren't even at your place when the alleged incident occured. Dr. Bill - current question is: What options are there for attendant care aside from hiring someone (i.e. family, roommates, etc.)? I had to come to this meeting. I am loosing my attendent of five years. to seee you again I don't know....I've done both live-ins and live-outs, always hired *** rosie_ has left irc (Ping timeout for rosie_ p8-nas01.syd.tig.com.au]) oh, sorry, dr. bill my full time attendant is my boyfriend and when he wans time off i have a friend come in The problem I have with attendents is you are with them more than a spouce. Personallity conflicts are very common. yep that is allways a chancge you take The other problem is I have had to train my attendent myself. ack! gotta change servers... brb the hardest thing is that you're not supposed to be personal, but when they are here 24/7, that's impossible but al greeen says it will work *** HelloKit has left irc (Leaving) no its not just leave kitt nearly, anyway Laura: I worry about that- some people take simply being polite the wrong way! brb *** floopy has left irc (floopy) DR. bill can I just call you Bill is that ok? It is really hard to find a compatible attendent. There is not an over abundant supply of attendents. You sure may. *** HelloKit has joined #Disabled Bill is fine. wb carly sheesh I know you worked hard for that but it is so my aide, Eryn, quit unexpectedly and moved next door hard for me BIG hug and kiss dr. bill What attendant arrangements (hired, roommate, family) have you tried and what worked best for you? *** bojingles has left irc (Leaving) boyfriend so far first time I had my own place I did have an attendant but it took two months to actually find one, and the one 'candidate' before her only came by once and then filed a harrassment complaint against me, and I was almost facing legal trouble. sorry back again:) don't want that to happen again but I can't simply get my own place again and do without any help. Now she's crying that that it's a bad situation next door and wants to move in, but I can't let her I have had both live in and hourly attendent care. I have found that the 12 hour shifts work the best. You have a chance to keep your sanity. :-) I currently make do with no attendant- I live with my parents who have no clue about my situation. yeah, I guess so kitt thats is hard to answerser they wont lited me hire my famliy so gust have to put up with there care wont start or they have boy prop. car I tried a volunteer hand-picked by school officials for a two-week trip to Seattle... NEVER AGAIN. brb I've done that...bad well I dont really have any attendedants as such, just my father in law driving me around I have traveled all over the world and found the only way to get good care was to make arrangements to stay in a hospital. Right now I have my boyfriend... it's working out alright. That That is great Kit. I wish you the best. kitt they said he beat you ealyler bad news I'll admit it isn't perfect, but it's better than my family was the whole time while I was growing up. brb, phonecall *** Lily-1 has left irc (Leaving) *** bayah has joined #disabled Speaking of attendents. My night attendent just showed up and has dinner ready. Will see you all later. hi bay Greg... huh??? not mine by dr bill:) bye bye doc :) *** dr_bill has left #disabled bye bill I'm trying to figure out ways I can get my own place and avoid getting an attendant to avoid any trouble. yes kitt they said that you where beat bye him I can't afford to be sued over a misunderstanding. hi everyone hi bay Who said that, Greg? Hi bayah:) *** Corn has left #disabled about a hour ago you ok? he not hit you? * phoenyxx is confused! * HelloKit too... Oh well - gotta go and get off the phone line - for what it's worth, I don't use an attendant, and some things will be easier (or possible) come this summer when my honey and I move in together. *** Gilbert has left irc (Talk to you next time.) never mined Do you prefer to have a strictly professional relationship with your attendant, or do you prefer to have a more personal relationship? kit can you proessional ....the short time I had an attendant it was sort of a mix, professional but a good 'working relationship' if that makes sense. I hope it works out like that this time around. bbl :) I am too stubborn to have an attendant *** Emilie has left #disabled hehe Debbie jrt: I'm not subborn, I just know how to stay out of trouble! What are the pros and cons of keeping your relationship with your attendant purely professional? *** Kali has joined #disabled hihi Hi Kali :o) current question is: What are the pros and cons of keeping your relationship with your attendant purely professional? from my limited experience, a 'con' would be that things would be too clinical or technical. yeah and that too, but I'm able to do most things so I dont think about getting any help, but I know there are people that really do need attendants:) if it's personal help then I have to be comfortable with that person. Hi Kali:) *** turbokev has joined #disabled * HelloKit nods to phoenyxx. I understand completely. jrt: I was referring to legal trouble. very hard to avoid and I've had be very careful. well....to ease letting them go yeah understand pheonyxx:) Carly: that's sort of what almost got me busted that time....the first helper came by for an hour and didn't like the job, but reported back to the caseworker like she had been set up or something, and *** fence has left irc (Read error to fence ad23-060.arl.compuserve.com]: Connection reset by peer) Hi Turbo:) I was stuck having to explain that my being a little forward about ' *** rose has left irc (Read error to rose hal-ns4-12.netcom.ca]: Connection reset by peer) Id like to ask a question Has anyone thats here or do any of you know of a disabled person who has won a suit against someone for discrimination or any other issue that has involved someone who is disabled. *** fencepost has joined #disabled wb fence:) 'personal help' was my way of putting myself at ease and I just assumed she had been told about it ahead of time but she hadn't been/ gregg . *** rose has joined #disabled thanks jrt hello everyone Is it over /bye nope pine wb rose:) still going i got cut off hi rosa ....in other words, my plan this time around is to establish a true 'working relationship' while still maintaining a proper professional 'boundry'. bye *** Kali has left irc (Leaving) a helper can still be professional without being so clinical and impersonal about it. What are the pros and cons of knowing your attendant on a more personal level? that sounds like a good idea pheonyxx con for me is that if things get too friendly, it would be very awkward being that 'close' with someone who is helping with very personal things, if that makes sense. but if they were comfortable then it wouldn't be so bad. thanks jrt :-) Just the opposite with me. back I can't feel comfortable with it unless I know the person well. me too, carly helps to have it a pro. levell this way you can have some say about what the contorls are comfortable is the key word! can we talk about nurse who come to care for us granted though I haven't had much experience and given enough time I can probably get over being shy about some things. *** Spas12 has joined #disabled sure, I would consider that an attendant, turbokev it just felt weird at times having a normal conversation with my helper then have to ask her to help me 'change'. i use to live in a group home so i am not shy any more Should there be ground rules set and made clear at the beginning of an attendant-client relationship? Should the rules be different depending on whether there is also a personal relationship? yes *** bayah has left #disabled definitely Carly! best way to avoid misunderstandings later! *** Spas12 has left #disabled *** SnowQueen has joined #disabled Hi SQ:) helps to have that predeterming hi all :) pros are that you gain awareness of them, cons are that sometimes you lose objectivity rose: I've been in the chair 5 years and I still get shy about a few things. true Laura! Kris:) Hi Laura *huglz* brb Here in Louisville the Attendant program has a waiting list that I've been on since '89 and I'm 4th on the list today I still don't know the answer bbl sorry dinner wow turbo What are some rules that should be set? *** gregsgg has left irc (Leaving) have you found a new attendent Laura ? There should be ground rules yes I agree basic rule for me is to tell me right off if there's a problem with any of the arrangement. No romance I mean for them not to worry about telling me, I need to hear it if they are sincerely uncomfortable with some aspect of it. To be honest, I cried when Eryn left even though I needed a more mature aide, and cried when Jenny came because we aren't connected that too kev :-) so? what do you want from an aid laura?? not for weekends, SnowQueen k Laura: on that subject, should I worry about me being 'nice' getting misinterpreted as an ulterior motive? I'm more comfortable with women helping anyway but don't want to get myself into trouble over something really stupid. *** fencepost is now known as fence looks like you want a friend and aid, not that there is anything wrong with that jrt- exactly- I can be friendly and still respect any 'boundries' on a professional level. Do you guys think an attendant should be able to make you work around their schedule? As in, you do something when they're ready to do it, whether you yourself are ready or not? thats how I would want and aid, to be a friend as well I receive nursing service on medicaid waver but it probably won't last It doesn;t exist, but I want to be more than a job thats a hard on Craly?? carly,sorry depends on the situation Carly....I get picky about some routines but on the other hand it wouldn't hurt to have dinner a little earlier than I'm used to---basically depending on what it is I can be flexible. one no they should work around our schedule reasonably true turbo, but it depends on the situation I think nurses from agencies have to I worked around Eryn's schedule,,,,she was young, but I found myself more and more jumping to her mood,etc yeah that could happen Well, here's where that question is coming from... this girl that went to Seattle with me would sit in the lounge and watch TV in the evenings while I was writing letters, etc. geez... wasn't good in that, but as a friend she was great so I think it also depends on where they are in life come on your schedule *** rose has left irc (Read error to rose hal-ns4-12.netcom.ca]: Connection reset by peer) *** fencepost has joined #disabled *** MrLinux has joined #disabled *** fence has left irc (Read error to fence ad23-060.arl.compuserve.com]: Connection reset by peer) In my case, some things I need help with vary from day to day, so a helper has to be ok with coming by one day and not needing to do much but possibly having to do more the next day. I've heard some horror stories about attendants thats fair enough phoenyxx *** rose has joined #disabled wb rose:) wb rose :) *** kettt has left #disabled thanks guys i keep getting cut off wheres moo a 50-year-old is going to have less of a desire for freedom than a 19 yo *** fencepost is now known as fence jrt- :-) what happened on the Seattle trip, Carly? on a holiday turbo:) Laura2 I don't think so cant you sit down with your attendent and set ground rules? yes *** turbokev has left irc (Leaving) SnowQueen- that's sort of what I was saying, letting an attendant know about individual needs and sometimes little quirks :-) *** joel- has joined #disabled hello, all. Hi Joel:) Hi joel- hiya joel ok, depending on your definition, turbo, but mature aides are usually less apt to scream 'Tou are being unfair' *** HelloKit has left irc (Ping timeout for HelloKit hr-or-ts1-ip1-008.linkport.com]) Hi, Debbie, how are you? hi joel great and you?? Hiya. Just fine here. *** PimpC has joined #disabled *** MrLinux has left irc (Write error to MrLinux 199.3.87.53], closing link) Hi Scott:) brb *** PimpC is now known as MrLinux hey is there a heeting? meeting what I want to avoid also is someone helping then getting mad about it later...some people do that, and act like they got conned or something. put it in writing .. that's why I was saying that you should get some things established first. yeah, I can relate exactly SnowQueen :-) *** Kali has joined #disabled rhi wb kali:) re but sometimes even establishing doesn't prevent resentment ?? no it doesnt laura, unfortunately establishing rules for aides, joe Laura: that's something I hope I can keep from happening. *** HelloKit has joined #Disabled argh! wb Carly:) sheesh... where was I? they could be fine about a situation one month and then the next month it bothers them we're still talkingg about rules, carly sounds like the health center staff at the local community college here Laura! lol no joke- the whole center seems to operate for a few disabled students and that's it. If you guys got any of what I was saying before, do you think I was right in being upset about it? It's fresh in my mind because I've lost 2 aides in 3 weeks yes Carly. what was it, I'm sorry...I was gone for awhile true, Phoenyxx Laura: about an aide I took to Seattle with me... she would make me wait until she was done watching TV before she would put me to bed. *** Kali has left irc (Leaving) *** Ray-1 has joined #disabled I've had that experience hi Ray hi Ray Hi Ray:) Hi, everyone. Okay, so next question... Does anyone have any good or bad attendant experiences you'd like to share? *** joel- has left #disabled YES there was the incident I already mentioned earlier. NEVER SHARE AIDES WITH SOMEONE WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND *** rose has left irc (Read error to rose hal-ns4-12.netcom.ca]: Connection reset by peer) it ruins relationships at least in my case What happened, Laura? *** HelloKit has left irc (Connection reset by peer) *** KittyEek has joined #Disabled *** rose has joined #disabled *** rose has left #disabled How so? *** PimpC has joined #disabled poor rose.. what happens when you disagree on how to manage the aide? with us, It became a 'Well, the reason you need her so much is because you let your disability run your life' SOMEONE does not like me... *** rose has joined #disabled *** MrLinux has left irc (Write error to MrLinux 199.3.91.126], closing link) so said my best friend it's a conspiracy Carly... :-) are you being nuked Kitty? *** KittyEek is now known as HelloKit sorry to hear that Laura.. hey, time for me to go, so I'll see you all later! :-) We love you, carly bye everyone! :-) ok take care bye phoenyxx:) *** phoenyxx has left #Disabled bye phoenyxx :) bye phoenyxx *** HelloKit has left irc (Connection reset by peer) got to run so night all:o) *** KittyEek has joined #Disabled Gotta go, I'm beat. Take care all. nite rose :) *** BuddhaCat has joined #disabled take care :) *** KittyEek is now known as HelloKit and nowwb * HelloKit screams!!!!! wb *** rose has left #disabled *** Ray-1 has left #disabled hi Chan Okay, let's get this over with before I get zapped again... :o) What advice would you give to someone looking into getting an attendant? make sure the attendant is VERY open-minded be clear in the beginning, and consistent with routines find someone flexible and makes them bend over backwards for you! ;) outline everything so there's no cause for resentment have a strong sense of self, remember that you are not just someone with a disability *** HelloKit has left irc (Ping timeout for HelloKit 166-113-30.ipt.aol.com]) * PimpC is away, Working! log:OFF] page:ON] email:MrLinux@Indy.Net] *** HelloKit has joined #Disabled wb Kit * HelloKit sighs. I give up. try not to start thinking of your body as something which needs help *** SnowQueen has left irc (Friends are like jewels..precious :)) poor Carly:( Three ISPs and not one will hold a connection for more than 5 minutes. *** LOG CLOSED: Wed Apr 22 19:37:51 1998